THE ACT OF SELF-KINDNESS & THE IMPORTANCE OF PRACTICING SELF-COMPASSION
Before I delve into this topic, I want to begin by asking you a question…
“WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO “LIVE IN LOVE”?
Ponder on this question for a few moments, tab some notes on the thoughts that come to mind immediately and then dive in and read how this question relates to “SELF-COMPASSION” our focus of the month for October 2024, our Yoga practice and to us as divine human beings……
One of my favourite books of poetry, prose, and quotes that has enabled me to reflect toward my own process of self and healing is Inward by Yung Pueblo!
Healing is not linear and as I reflect over my journey in the past years, I have learnt that it all comes from letting go of the past, allowing space for growth and transformation and the willingness to take hold of the power I hold within through my life experiences.
One of my personal healing mantras I noted down during the process of my divorce and which I recently found while rummaging through my favourite books that guided me on this healing pathway is:
“I am whole already, on my own. And I finally feel ready for the universe to guide me rather than be stuck in a cloudy mind based on assumptions and lies created.”
Finding this Mantra, took me back to the question of what does it mean “to live in love”? and most importantly that self-compassion truly is one of, if not the most important aspects that will enable you to transform and grow in your own personal journey of life.
Let’s dive in and uncover what self-compassion is, the pillars of self-compassion, yoga and self-compassion and how to integrate this into your daily life with one of my favourite teachings by Tara Brach…
If you cringe when you hear the words, self-compassion, I get it. In an achievement and success-focused culture, the idea of self-compassion might feel soft, or even weak. We might have a harsh inner critic, or we might have been told to just suck it up as a kid. Regardless of the reason, self-compassion can feel difficult. But like all things, it’s a practice!
According to our Yoga Philosophy teachings the Yoga Sutras (1.33), one way to purify the mind and increase serenity is to practice compassion (KARUNA).
Compassion means “shared feeling,” a level of sympathy so deep that it inspires action to alleviate another’s pain or sorrow. Forgiveness, according to some, is the ultimate expression of compassion…
But the true test of compassion may be whether or not you can extend it to yourself!
WHAT IS SELF-COMPASSION?
Let’s start with the definition of compassion: “A sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”. Essentially, we see someone’s suffering and we want to help them. Self-compassion is the same feeling state but turned inward rather than outward.
According to self-compassion researcher and professor, Dr. Kristen Neff, there are THREE MAIN PILLARS OF SELF-COMPASSION:
Self Kindness | Common Humanity | Mindfulness
~ SELF KINDNESS ~
While pretty self-explanatory, self-kindness can feel like an uphill battle. As humans, we’re generally great at being kind to our friends & loved ones, but much harder on ourselves. Self-kindness is a practice in being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate. Self-kindness asks us to turn down the volume on self-criticism and speak to ourselves like we would a friend.
~ COMMON HUMANITY ~
The second pillar of self-compassion asks us to recognize that we are not alone. Vulnerability, imperfection, and suffering are all part of the human experience. Recognizing our common humanity isn’t meant to belittle our struggles—actually, it’s the opposite. Self-compassion helps us see that suffering and feelings of inadequacy are part of the shared human experience.
~ MINDFULNESS ~
Mindfulness allows us to notice and observe the moments when we’re shaming ourselves. We might be surprised to find just how often & how rude we are to ourselves. Mindfulness is key to self-compassion — we can’t offer ourselves self-kindness and recognize our common humanity if we don’t notice and recognize when we need to be softer with ourselves.
What the research says about self-compassion?
While self-compassion might feel unproductive, the research has quite a few arguments for the contrary. Research indicates that practicing self-compassion is linked to a range of positive benefits, including increased happiness, life satisfaction, resilience, better-coping mechanisms for stress and challenges, reduced anxiety and depression, improved relationships, and a greater ability to forgive oneself and others, allowing individuals to bounce back from setbacks and pursue personal growth more effectively. So, while self-compassion might be soft & gentle, it supports us in a myriad of ways to be more equipped for the challenges ahead.
