Resolve to Evolve through the “Let Them” Theory

We have to let it be before we can let it go, connect to that place of peace to LET THEM. We accumulate so much stress and waste so much time trying to control others whether we are aware of it or not. Every one of us as humans have this nature within us!

The “Let Them” Theory is letting people be who they are! Our life would be so much more peaceful if we could just let them do what they do and let life flow as it flows.

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES WHERE YOU CAN TRY AND PRACTICE THE LET THEM THEORY:

If someone cuts you off in traffic or the grocery queue, let them.
If someone doesn’t hold the door for you, let them.
If someone gives you an angry look, let them.
If you have a family member you haven’t seen in a long time who chooses to take a vacation rather than visit you, let them.

SUGGESTIONS MEL ROBBINS OFFERS FOR HOW TO APPLY THE LET THEM THEORY:

Practice Detachment. A perfect example of Vairagya one our Yogic Sutra teachings YS1.15 and YS1.16 (the practice of detachment, renunciation, letting go, non-attachment). Detach from your emotional struggle that you get yourself into when you think about what other people should be doing or what shouldn’t be happening. This strikes a nerve for all of us. (We will learn more about this in our weekly classes!)

Why be so hurt and offended about everything? For example, when a friend you’ve gone on vacation with for the last several years suddenly decides to travel alone, you feel left out or abandoned. Let them. Let them go because they probably just need time to be alone. Don’t be questioning why they’re doing that to you. Don’t make it mean anything about you. You are not responsible for them, only for your own feelings and what you’re making that mean. Let them.

This next one is a little more difficult. You need to take a step back and let others fail. They need to learn to take responsibility. With kids, if they forget their lunch, (and only if they are medically healthy and there’s no risk of injury), you need to not bring them their lunch. Do not rescue them. Let them.

They need to feel the sting of disruption from their own actions. Their nervous system will then create a pathway to remember for the next time. The sting of the consequences of forgetting a lunch, which is that they get a little hungry, is the teacher. Don’t rob them of the lesson because you feel guilty or sorry for them. Worse, try not to shame yourself for being a “bad” parent by not helping your kid. By not helping them, you are training them to take responsibility and grow up.

Another example is if you have a friend or loved one who regularly downloads their negativity onto you. So often we take on trying to help others by trying to manage their emotions. You’re not responsible for their emotions. How to just lovingly let them feel what they feel without you needing to do anything about it. Can you just listen with compassion?

The third way is even more challenging. Let them be themselves. Stop trying to make them someone else. Most of the time we are not in love with the person as they are. We are in love with the potential of who we see they could be, and who we secretly want them to be.

The real question is can you be with them as they are? When you do this, you allow yourself to be in authentic relationship with the actual person. Only then will you be able to see if you like them for who they are. If you don’t like them, then maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t be in relationship with them? But you’ll never know that until you release your expectations of them.

Placing expectations on another is a usually a mirror for what we do to ourselves internally. So, when we can allow someone to be who they are, we allow ourselves to be who we are.

MEL ROBBINS ALSO SPEAKS OF FIVE CAVEATS TO THE LET THEM THEORY THAT I FEEL I NEED TO MENTION:

If someone is doing something dangerous and could hurt themselves or others, you need to step in and say something. Like not letting a loved one drive home from a party if they’ve had too much to drink. No. You have to take charge and drive them yourself or get them an Uber. Do not let them!
If someone is being harassed or abused, you need to not let that happen.
When you need to advocate for your own needs, for instance, speaking up if the salary you’ve just been offered is too low. There was a study done that revealed 80% of people never negotiate their salary. They just take what’s offered. It’s important to speak up to advocate for what you’re worth.
If someone continuously crosses your boundaries, don’t let them do that. Speak up. Let them know that that’s not okay with you.
If you are a parent, you need to set boundaries. It’s your responsibility to not let your kids skip school, flunk out, or to make sure they eat more vegetables. A parent’s job is to put up guard rails to ensure a safe and healthy development. However, when you realize you are forcing your kids to be a mini version of you, let them off the hook and accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Let them.

So in this month of May…..

Let’s practice the “Let them Theory”!
Let’s cultivate the inner resolve to evolve by letting everything be as it is.
Let’s release the control of others and of life and flow downstream with the current of grace.
Let’s focus on a pause before our response, this can be one of the most powerful tools of self-care.
Let’s stay curious, about our why, our triggers & how to navigate our growth.